Danstel

  Couples that work out together can stay together because they now have a ritual of connection that creates shared meaning. Working out together is not only good for your physical health but can also be a great way to invest in your relationship.  Whether you like walking, hiking, running, biking, gym time, or any other form of exercise, you can form a habit of bonding together—created this theory as a metaphor for having a strong partnership. The seven principles included in the house have three components, your friendship system, conflict management, and your meaning system. Exercising with your partner can be molded to cover several levels in the SRH. Build Love Maps Building Love Maps refers to how well you know your partner’s inner world—their likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, and feelings. It falls into the friendship system of your relationship. You can use exercise time to learn more about your partner. One of the best reasons to work out with a partner is so you can talk and pa

  The Magic Ratio: The Key to Relationship Satisfaction Have you ever counted how many positive or negative interactions you have with your partner? It may sound like an odd thing to track, but it can be a key component of having a happy stable relationship. In his research, Dr. John Gottman found that in conflict conversations successful couples had five seconds of time together in a positive (or neutral) emotional state for every one second in a negative emotional state. He coined it as the magic ratio of 5:1,, and many translated this data to mean that couples need five positive interactions for every negative one. Outside of conflict discussions, successful couples had an even higher positive-to-negative ratio—20:1. Having a ratio below 5:1 within conflict became one of the many potential divorce indicators found in the Gottman research. What are some examples of interactions that could result in that negative emotional state? Use of the Four Horsemen:Defensive ness, criticism, con

  What does it take to live a happy life together? I never expected that pickleball would be part of my marriage.  As a (mostly) happily partnered person and through my work with couples, I’ve come up with a three-step flow to continuously cycle through.  And, you’ll see where pickleball plays a role.   The three-step flow I propose for a healthy, happy, partnered life is: (1) Fight Fairly, (2) Strengthen Yourself, and (3) Strengthen Your Relationship.   Fight fairly It is OK and expected to have conflict in relationships.  The key is to get through the conflict without damaging the relationship. Here are two different frameworks to arrive at fair fighting.  The first framework is to look at your past.  Have you had a successful conflict?  What made it successful?  Did you have it while on a hike when you were both relaxed?  Did you reach a resolution and make a plan to follow up a few days later?  If there’s some specific context that made the conflict successful, try to replicate tha

  Close the distance between you by using the tools you have to connect. Despite modern conveniences and technology, couples in long-distance relationships still face a unique set of challenges. Issues can arise regarding connecting with each other, communicating well, and affirming trust. Vulnerability in face-to-face relationships is difficult enough without the added concern of living far apart from one another.  This begs the question: How can you foster emotional safety and connection in a long-distance relationship? Absence and perspectives When the space between you feels chasmic, it’s important to remember all of the beautiful, amazing things you saw in your partner initially that made you want to stay together despite the obstacles. This is the key to maintaining a secure connection, especially during times of stress and conflict. The purpose of this is to avoid creating a false, negative perspective of them because of your current state.  Dr. John Gottman writes about this in

  How can you tell if someone is right for you? Getting to know someone you really like is wonderful. You feel as if you could conquer the world. You stay up all night getting to know the other person and daydream about when you might see them again. And there is a good reason for this. We are designed to bond with other humans. When we date, oxytocin is released into our brains. This helps us to bond. Dopamine releases to make us feel happy and elated when in the presence of our person. Because of this, you aren’t necessarily seeing clearly. You tend to minimize the bad and maximize the good. When you pick up on something that doesn’t feel right or a characteristic you don’t like, you might justify it or explain it away. This is why it’s difficult to recognize red flags at the beginning of your relationship. Your body kind of doesn’t want you to. Luckily, The Gottman Institute has done a lot of research on what makes certain couples the “masters” and other couples the “disasters” of r