Danstel

  Betrayal in Dating and Marriage By Danstel September 24,2020  Betrayal in dating and marriage is mostly referred to as “infidelity” or “cheating”. Infidelity or cheating is broken trust or broken loyalty. It is also the violation of emotional/sexual exclusivity in a relationship.  It therefore implies that whatever you are giving your primary loyalty to ahead of your partner is considered infidelity.   If you choose your parents, friends, time, career etc. over your spouse, you are essentially committing an act of infidelity. Emotional cheating is any relationship with other persons apart from your partner that though does not include physical sex but comprises flirting, sexual chemistry, fantasies and usually hidden from your partner. It is unhealthy because it drains energy from your primary relationship. Sexual affairs is the most destructive form of infidelity. This type of betrayal is a bit more complex. Discovering your partner has been involved in a sexual affair is more diffi

  GIVING VOICE TO YOUR EMOTIONS By danstel September 24,2020  Emotions are difficult to communicate. They are deep and can be very complicated because sometimes we have mixed feelings. We sometimes suddenly feel very terrible and can’t even tell what triggered the negative feeling. In counseling, I have witnessed several people with feelings they cannot articulate. They know they feel certain pain but can’t trace the source neither can they explain why it hurts. Let’s examine some reasons why we hide our feelings Background : The exposure you had in childhood determines how you respond to life. Were your parents hard on you? Were you allowed to express your views? Did your views matter? We need to understand that previous experiences, especially in childhood have taught us all not to be completely honest with our feelings. Parents who always shut their kids up and clamp down on them have succeeded in making them into less confident people who think their views don’t count even when it

  Coping with loss of a relationship Danstel September 24,2020  Coping with betrayals as a loss . To deal with any form of betrayal, the victim needs to understand he has just experienced a loss. The question then is how do you cope with losses? Anyone who has lost someone undergoes a period of grieve. It, therefore, implies that the victim will go through the process of grieve and only then can he be free.   The Process of Grief Most often, when people have been betrayed, they have overwhelming emotions which are so intense that they are unable to make any sense out of them. Therefore, if you have been betrayed, you need to be able to understand and interpret these emotions and why you are experiencing them. The theory of grief is that it involves several stages: shock/denial, anger, venting emotions, sadness, and acceptance. Frequently these stages may overlap, or one may be experienced more intensely than another, or one might be so shortly lived that it didn’t seem that it was part

  CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE Danstel September 24,2020  If love is as beautiful as we are made to believe, then why does love hurt so much? Why do relationships have conflicts? Is it possible to have a conflict free relationship? These are some of the questions we all have pondered on from time to time. On this expedition, let’s explore various sides to conflict in relationships/marriage.  Why do we have conflicts? What is conflict really meant to achieve in our relationships? What is the right mind-set to adopt about conflict prevention? Does conflict have to degenerate to combat? How can conflict be resolved when it arises? These are some angles through which we will explore conflict. A lot of people in relationships and marriages are hurting. Some people even believe that they are in a relationship with the wrong person simply because of the presence of conflicts in their relationship. It should interest you to know that conflict is not the worst thing that can happen in

  Changing Your Partner – An Illusion or Reality? Danstel September 22,2020  The question – ‘’Changing your partner is it an illusion or a reality’’? It is a question that most singles are very optimistic they can achieve, while married people dance round it but mostly think it is an illusion. The reality is that most married people started out being very optimistic about the changes they intend to effect in their partners. Having embarked on such journeys over time without much results to show for it, slowly but surely, they began to embrace reality. Sometimes due to ignorance we all ascribe to love, what love really is not. I remember when I was younger, I thought if someone loves me, he should do anything I ask him to do. If I asked him to jump, he should only ask, “how high”? I also thought it was love, if my husband worshipped the very ground that I walked on. Looking back I think it is over-bloated ego that makes us think we can get people to do whatever we ask them to do. The qu

  BE THE CHANGE Danstel September 22,2020 Hi peeps. Great weekend huh? I think early enough in these series we need to establish the fact that the world would be a better place if we all decide to contribute our own little quota. It is commonplace to hear people say because the other person did not do something, they are not willing and ready to do what they are supposed to do. It is not an ideal world; and never would be. It is only in an ideal world that things happen the way they ought to. Someone steps on you and immediately knows he’s meant to say sorry. Someone hurts you and apologises instantly. Friends know they are not to betray each other etc As long as the sun rises on the earth, human beings will continue to be mere mortals – imperfect. The earlier we make room for the imperfections of others, the better we secure our hearts from undue pain. This in essence doesn’t mean ‘man’ can’t aspire to perfection or attempt to change the world around him. People have done it in times

  Is it always greener at the other end? Danstel September 22,2020 “Biyi hasn’t worked for that long?” Dayo’s voice drips with resentment. “For real?” “He’s been trying,” I say in a feeble attempt to defend my husband. “You know how the economy is.” …My husband and I had vowed never to bring in a third party into our relationship but with a bank account screaming for revival, I need to share my burden with someone else. I grip the phone…. Dayo is unusually quiet. “You still there?” I asked. “Hello?” “I am here,” she says. “I just didn’t know things were this bad. And all this while, I thought Biyi was providing for the home.” But he is, I argued silently. Well, maybe not financially for now, but in every way else, Biyi is a rock. “It’s not that bad.” My words sound frail. Dayo clucks her tongue. “You might as well be a widow.” The words hit me like a fist. “Na you I blame,” she continues, oblivious to the damage her words have caused. “Me? Why?” She’s blaming me for this? Seriously? “W

  Sexual Compatibility in Marriage Danstel September 21,2020 Sexual compatibility is defined as the extent to which a couple’s sexual beliefs, preferences, desires, and needs are similar or complementary with their partner. It therefore implies that either or both of the partner has a sexual taste or preference that he/she hopes will be replicated or matched by his/her partner. The problem of sexual incompatibility in marriage stems from the fact that the spouse is unable to match their expectation. The question then should be how did this spouse develop the present sexual appetite that he is asking his partner to match? How healthy is this sexual appetite? And how reasonable or ridiculous is this desire? Some sexual expectations were developed from wrong premises like erotic movies and porn sites. Always remember porn stars are actors and actresses who are payed for the role they play in the  movie  and that may not be a true representation of their actual bedroom practice. In additio

  DOES MONEY EQUATE HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE? Danstel September 21,2020 Riches do not determine happiness in relationships. A lot of people ladies/guys alike are currently shopping for financiers and not husbands/wives. A popular song lyric says ”money can buy diamond rings but can’t buy love”. Singles, do not base your decision to marry a person solely on the size of his/her pocket. Do not be overly particular about people’s social status. Do not settle for an abusive person because he/she is rich. Do not succumb to pressure to marry a person  just for the weight of his account. There are lots of miserable money-bags who will abuse you knowing that you are also only interested in them because of their money, after all you have been purchased like a commodity. Money in itself lacks what it takes to give you happiness. Money or the pleasure, treasure and comfort it brings only provides short-lived happiness. On the flip side, do not also go into the other extreme of shopping for poor partn

  WHAT DO MEN THINK ABOUT SEX? Danstel September 18,2020 This week we will discuss some insight into the inner workings of a man’s mind as regards sex that will be very useful in relating to men. This understanding helps a lady comprehend why a guy professing undying love can suddenly change after the consummation of his lust or understand why a man will date a girl for so long, sleeping with her all along but go on to marry the one he has preserved. Both ways, something is wrong:  desperate women throw themselves, weak men accept the offer. The first thing to note is, men appreciate what is not readily available. Before marriage, your value as a woman is tied to how scarce you are perceived to be (especially in the supply of sex). This is why when girls ‘play hard to get’, guys want to chase even the more. Similarly, if the supply and availability of sex is scarce, it heightens the perceived reward and by extension, your worth. Secondly, sex for men is sometimes transactional. This is

  A WISE WIFE’S ATTITUDE TO SEX Danstel September 18,2020 Wives listen up, we need to talk. Congratulations for coming this far, you are one of the lucky ones that got him to commit to you in marriage. But guess what? Part of the reason why he married you was because he anticipated and fantasied about having great sex with you. Ladies you need to come to terms with this fact, sex is very, very important to your husband. Regardless of how often or infrequent your husband thinks or talks about sex, make no mistake, it is a vital aspect of who he is as a man. One of the winning skills any woman should strive to possess is the bedroom winning strategy. That is definitely not the only skill you’ll need but it is definitely a good one to have. When you conquer in the bedroom, it eases so much tension in your home and you get your husband’s cooperation for bigger conquest in other areas. Unfortunately, men and women don’t perceive life the same way, especially in the expression of romance and